MECC - Jokes

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As all on main MECC page is in English, to help balance, here's a couple of jokes, one in in German, & one at expense of contractors.

Joke 1: Engineers Versus management
Variants in 2 languages, in order received, years apart:

German
- Ein Mann fliegt einen Heisluftballon und realisiert, dass er die Orientierung verloren hat. Er reduziert seine Hoehe und macht schlielich einen Mann am Boden aus. Er laesst den Ballon noch weiter sinken und ruft: "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie mir helfen? Ich versprach meinem Freund, ihn vor einer halben Stunde zu treffen, aber ich weiss nicht, wo ich mich befinde."
- Der Mann am Boden sagt: "Ja. Sie befinden sich in einem Heisluftballon. Ihre Position ist 40 Grad 22 Minuten Noerdliche Breite, und 58 Grad 16 Minuten westlicher Laenge."
- "Sie muessen Ingenieur sein", sagt der Ballonfahrer.
- "Bin ich", antwortet der Mann. "Wie haben Sie das gewusst?"
- "Sehen Sie", sagt der Ballonfahrer, "alles, was Sie mir gesagt haben, ist technisch korrekt, aber ich habe keine Ahnung, was ich mit Ihren Informationen anfangen soll, und ich weiss immer noch nicht, wo ich bin."
- Der Ingenieur sagt hierauf: "Sie muessen ein Manager sein."
- "Bin ich", antwortet der Ballonfahrer, "Wie haben Sie das gewusst?"
- "Sehen Sie", sagt der Ingenieur, "Sie wissen nicht, wo Sie sind, oder wohin Sie gehen. Sie haben ein Versprechen gegeben, von dem Sie keine Ahnung haben, wie Sie es einhalten koennen, und Sie erwarten, dass ich Ihnen dieses Problem loese. Tatsache ist: Sie befinden sich in exakt derselben Position, in der Sie waren, bevor wir uns getroffen haben, aber irgendwie ist jetzt alles meine Schuld. ..."
English
- A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am..'
- The man below replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.'
- 'You must be an Engineer,' said the balloonist.
- 'I am,' replied the man, 'how did you know?'
- 'Well,' answered the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip by your talk.'
- The man below responded, 'You must be in Management.'
- 'I am,' replied the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'
- 'Well,' said the man, 'you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault.'

Joke 2: & one aimed at us Consultants ...

A shepherd was herding his flocks in a remote pasture when suddenly a new Jeep Cherokee advanced towards him out of a dust cloud.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie, leans out of the window and asks:
"If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"
The shepherd looks at the yuppie, then at his peacefully grazing flock and answers, "Sure!"
The yuppie parks the car, whips out his notebook, connects it to a cell phone, surfs to a NASA page where he calls up a GPS navigation system, scans the area and opens a database and some 60 spreadsheets with complex formulas. Finally, he prints a 150-page report on a miniature printer, turns to our shepherd and says: "You have exactly 1586 sheep!"
"That's correct. As agreed, you can take one of the sheep," says the shepherd. He watches the young man make a selection and bundle it into his Cherokee.
As the car starts to pull away, he calls out: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me my sheep back?"
"Okay, why not?" answers the young man, stopping the car.
"You are a consultant" says the shepherd.
"That's correct," says the yuppie. "How did you guess?"
"Easy," answers the shepherd. "You turn up here without being asked. You want to be paid for information I already have. And you don't know anything about my business because you just took my dog."

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